fight time...

i sat alone...in my locker room in the dark...as i looked at my watch....i said to myself..' five hours till fight time..' i recalled everything that happened to me...all my previous fights and trainings...thinking about a lot of things...her...it just happened so suddenly...c'mon nazri there's no time to think bout her....shes your past...move on...i recalled all my past fights...my trainings and what i've worked on...i never knew that i put this much effort in preparing for this fight....

3 hours...im still pumping it up...i lazily picked up my sabre...which i just polished the night before...shes been with me since day one...fighting by my side...she was there for me in good and bad times...i still remembered how we spent our time together...staring at my weapon...the locker room was so quiet that i could hear a pin drop...the tense atmostphere made me feel nervous...my hand was shaking...probably because of the fight....he was my only opponent...i dont care about others...he is mine...the fire in my heart is raging...the intense anger and adrenalin..sometimes its just to much to take...hahas....i told myself...relax nazri...you can't be tense if you want to fight with flow...i shook myself...attemting to release the tension that had been trapped in my body....slowly breathing in and out...calming myself down..and there i go again...can't stop thinking about her...i just got to stop for a while...just this once...i have not been contacting her for a long time...i cant do it...i'm totally confused...why am i forcing myself to hate her so much...drats it's breaking me...please...not now...i am feeling so sick in her absence...yet i still do not want to see her face...i'm wondering whether she is coming...i do not even know whether she knew...i know i got to stop...i got to accept the fact that she is not coming and she will not see me fight...feelings change right....so...what exactly is the point...argh...this made me realised....that i've been fighting not for this competition...but all these days...i've been fighting with myself and as you can see that i am losing the fight...YAMAKASI....BODY, MIND, SPIRIT, HEART and SOUL...stop all this...i am not giving up i will still continue to fight...if i lost my weapon, i will fight with my hands. if i lost my hands, i will fight with my leg. if lost my leg, i with fight with my teeth...and if i lost my teeth, i will spit at my enemy till i die...the silence in the locker room is broken by a fellow fencer who reminded me that the fight is starting and adviced me to warmup...i looked at my watch....2 HOURS.......................

stretching those tensed muscles and warming them up....yer...never felt this good for such a long time...i observe all my opponents...i am not afraid of them....i will not let them stop me from facing him...by the way i cant see him at all....think that he is with the other national colours bearers...never care for an underdog like me...i know i'm strong...but...i am not strong at other stuff...just as i expected...he's wearing national colours...dont give a damn about him....he is just an ordinary asshole who i really want to beat...all fencers are to report at the DT table for attendance taking...i responded quickly to the announcement and after that carry on with my light footwork for warmup....

1 hour...still thinking...haiz...this never stop...cmonlah babz, she wont be coming....forget it...harshan understand the situation i am in...yer...keeping myself calm while suiting up...just getting ready...the DT table announced my name and my fight was just about to begin....naz..that voice sounded so familiar, so does the perfume. i turned around and i saw her..standing right in front of me...wearing that beautiful smile that i will never forget...those sparkling eyes staring right at mine...which is filled with passion and fire....the fire in my spirit is raging all over me...as if it was going to burn me alive....she walked right up to me....i just want to say good luck and all the best...she said...thanks..,what the hell....is this all that you can say...try harder now...do you want to say something...yer..i cant listen to you....to move on...i tried but all my efforts are futile....but i swear that i have been trying to move on...it's too much for me...so i'm not listening to you anymore...i will wait for you and hoping...until i see you in a wedding dress....i just said it, slip of the tongue i guess...oh no i am so screwed....she kept quiet and stood still...then she smiled and hold me...yes....she whispered...and walked off.....i froze......