my last fights.....hehehe...

This was the best fights I have ever had. I had my last competitions before I step down from the fencing club, officially, but I will still come for training though. I'm not going to compete anymore for this year. These competitions were the best competitions I ever fought, seriously.

Fencing Singapore 1st inter-school fencing championships 2006:
What the fuck they cancelled my event, B'division boys sabre individuals. Can't imagine how pissed i was, my last fight planned out. I thought that i can dominate the whole division...lol...but it seems that they cancelled the event because 'not enough school taking partlah'. i never felt so left out. I mean watching other ppl fence but you are not competing at all. One day samuel chin asked me to fence foil team. WOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEAH I AM SOOOOO GONNA FENCE!!!!!!!MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! i was like so excited. thank god i got the chance to fence. hey, i am a sabrer, not a foilist. but i have been training foil (i started foil again after two years of fencing sabre...i want to fence these two weapons..) for three weeks already under my new coach from china (hey he is not some former communist okay. he is an olympic coach and his students made it to the olympics and got a damn silver medal for the country!!! reputation...), so i'm a little confident that i can do well.
what the fuck my team and i won fourth place in the competition...woohhhoooo!!!!! i am so proud of myself. i did very well for a guy who just restarted foil three weeks ago. actually all the credits goes to the chinese coach who had corrected most of my mistakes and teach me the basics all over again.... damn i am so grateful. anyway they made me fence for six hours and i only survived on a can of red bull, one sandwich and lots of isotonic drinks and a chocolate bar which is like less than 10 cm. i did not have a proper meal for more than 10 hours since 10 in the morning. i was completely shagged because i had to fence so many times. i got really frustrated with myself during the fight. it's because of the fatigue, i can move properly and i kept on missing the target (for those people who were there you can hear me shout and scream loads of time because of the frustrations i had). i really made a comeback though. i did a split while i was fencing!!!lol!!! the SJI boy was chasing after me and i did not know what to do. then i suddenly did a split halfway...hahahhas....i was so desperate...anyway my legs were gone after the whole thing had ended and i slept as soon i had my decent meal at home (thank god!!!!).

fencing singapore national individuals:
woooohhhhoooooo i was so pumped up for this one. hahahs...my last sabre event of course lah who would not be so pumped up am i right?hehe...okay i am being lame right now. anyway this fight was really funny and i laughed so hard that i didnt take the competition that seriously, until mr wong scolded me for slacking too much, dang. i was like so freaking lucky at that time. i parried joseph's attack and my riposte missed him. i ddnt know how but i stumbled and my blade just touched his mask and there's only one light. hahahahas that was really lucky and we were laughing a lot. i felt that i could beat JB Ng but i kept on missing. i really made sure that i really parried his blade but it flicked in and seems like it was a mal-parry.damn....i guess i just lacked the experience. oh well i know that i can win though i was disappointed in myself...i am so gonna get scoldings from mr wong again...oh boy....its ayte though it happens...this competition seems to be the most entertaining competition i ever took part...hahahs...yer...

i still need more training and experience...not to mention my stamina sucks as well better take note of that..i guess everything will start after O's and my parkour training will start over again too...

fight time...

i sat alone...in my locker room in the dark...as i looked at my watch....i said to myself..' five hours till fight time..' i recalled everything that happened to me...all my previous fights and trainings...thinking about a lot of things...her...it just happened so suddenly...c'mon nazri there's no time to think bout her....shes your past...move on...i recalled all my past fights...my trainings and what i've worked on...i never knew that i put this much effort in preparing for this fight....

3 hours...im still pumping it up...i lazily picked up my sabre...which i just polished the night before...shes been with me since day one...fighting by my side...she was there for me in good and bad times...i still remembered how we spent our time together...staring at my weapon...the locker room was so quiet that i could hear a pin drop...the tense atmostphere made me feel nervous...my hand was shaking...probably because of the fight....he was my only opponent...i dont care about others...he is mine...the fire in my heart is raging...the intense anger and adrenalin..sometimes its just to much to take...hahas....i told myself...relax nazri...you can't be tense if you want to fight with flow...i shook myself...attemting to release the tension that had been trapped in my body....slowly breathing in and out...calming myself down..and there i go again...can't stop thinking about her...i just got to stop for a while...just this once...i have not been contacting her for a long time...i cant do it...i'm totally confused...why am i forcing myself to hate her so much...drats it's breaking me...please...not now...i am feeling so sick in her absence...yet i still do not want to see her face...i'm wondering whether she is coming...i do not even know whether she knew...i know i got to stop...i got to accept the fact that she is not coming and she will not see me fight...feelings change right....so...what exactly is the point...argh...this made me realised....that i've been fighting not for this competition...but all these days...i've been fighting with myself and as you can see that i am losing the fight...YAMAKASI....BODY, MIND, SPIRIT, HEART and SOUL...stop all this...i am not giving up i will still continue to fight...if i lost my weapon, i will fight with my hands. if i lost my hands, i will fight with my leg. if lost my leg, i with fight with my teeth...and if i lost my teeth, i will spit at my enemy till i die...the silence in the locker room is broken by a fellow fencer who reminded me that the fight is starting and adviced me to warmup...i looked at my watch....2 HOURS.......................

stretching those tensed muscles and warming them up....yer...never felt this good for such a long time...i observe all my opponents...i am not afraid of them....i will not let them stop me from facing him...by the way i cant see him at all....think that he is with the other national colours bearers...never care for an underdog like me...i know i'm strong...but...i am not strong at other stuff...just as i expected...he's wearing national colours...dont give a damn about him....he is just an ordinary asshole who i really want to beat...all fencers are to report at the DT table for attendance taking...i responded quickly to the announcement and after that carry on with my light footwork for warmup....

1 hour...still thinking...haiz...this never stop...cmonlah babz, she wont be coming....forget it...harshan understand the situation i am in...yer...keeping myself calm while suiting up...just getting ready...the DT table announced my name and my fight was just about to begin....naz..that voice sounded so familiar, so does the perfume. i turned around and i saw her..standing right in front of me...wearing that beautiful smile that i will never forget...those sparkling eyes staring right at mine...which is filled with passion and fire....the fire in my spirit is raging all over me...as if it was going to burn me alive....she walked right up to me....i just want to say good luck and all the best...she said...thanks..,what the hell....is this all that you can say...try harder now...do you want to say something...yer..i cant listen to you....to move on...i tried but all my efforts are futile....but i swear that i have been trying to move on...it's too much for me...so i'm not listening to you anymore...i will wait for you and hoping...until i see you in a wedding dress....i just said it, slip of the tongue i guess...oh no i am so screwed....she kept quiet and stood still...then she smiled and hold me...yes....she whispered...and walked off.....i froze......

untitled...continue fron the last entry...hahas..

i dont really know why...
this feelings just come and go..
but looking at her pickerel smile..
i feel as if time just stopped and took a break..

she made me feel strong..
at the same time so weak...
she made me feel so calm....
at the same time so nervous..
she made me feel so estatic..
at the same time so depressed...
she made me feel so brave...
at the same time so cowardly..
just by looking at those eyes and smile..
i dont really know exactly how i feel...

during those moments i spent time with her..
i said to myself..
if god grant me a wish i would ask him to make this night last forever...
but it can never come true....ever..

let her be my burden..
i dont really care...
if anybody wishes to challenge me...
then i would say "I DARE!!!'

she is the heaven...
she is the earth..
she is the mountains..
she is the seas..
she is the wind....
she is the raging fire...
that no man can beat...

so what up with the little monkey...
like a noble peasant said..
'it is as if you are trying to change the stars!!!hahahs'
but the little monkey said..
i wont know if i try...

she is my burden...
let her be..
so this is a test for me...
to see how strong i can be..
searching for hapiness..
which im not sure that i can get...
soo....
for now...






i rest my case...
rock on..

what the f***....

for god's sake, let me tell you something..im sick of all of your bullsh*t..kalau kau tak nak.. cakap je la kau tak nak...apesal kau mesti layan...i've been desperately waiting for months...lots of things have happened to me..i went emo for like weeks and im still not over with the shit.....YET!!!i almost got into trouble....i wasted my time...i should have concentrated on my FSI instead....wtf...lastly i wasnt someone i used to be...i became someone i never knew and i HATE it...this is seriously bullshit...im sick of this and im sick of you...

i dont want you to wait for something that isnt for sure, if you think that im not worth waiting then dont wait, go for someone ready and willing, i still have a long way to move on....

what the f*** is this?! ive been through shit and i've never felt for someone this deep in just a short amount of time before....i've come a long way and there's no way that i ever gonna quit just because you still cant move on...go for someone ready and willing.. who the f*** do you think i am? i am not some desperate bastard who wants to date with anybody....i have my own pride and honour....i would never disgrace myself by behaving like this...and they dont call me bold, stubborn and persistent for nothing....

but i dont want to hrut you in anyway in the future naz....

hahahahas....its ironic aye..you've hurt me even if you never meant to...i've been feeling so lonely and hurt all my life so im sooo used to this....saying this will never make me happy either.....

nights....and oh by the way naZri, please respect my decision, try and move on if you can and will, because the door to my heart is already closed after what happened between me and naDZri...i dont want no lover no more....so please understand moii situation please nas....good nyte....

FINE!!! have it your way....theres no need for me to go crazy over a girl no more.....ive through shit.....all for NOTHING!!! so why waste time....i rather concentrate on what is best for me....youve made me happy and grate ful for that.....im moving on....like what you said...now feel as if i totally forgot who nisa is.....then i remember, "oh...i remember...she is the hot chick whom i just met in perth during the exchange programme...thats it..." fine i dont give damn...dont even think that i care...guess wad...

i hate you....

but like i said... they dont call me stubborn and persistent for nothing....

untitled

how would you feel...
if there's someone you feel you got to protect so much..
but it turns out...
she has been the source of your pain..

you want to be a hero, vigilante...
spend your protecting and fighting villiains..
but now it is as if the Dark Knight...
is shattered just because of love and desperations..
wonder why i am asking all this,trust me
this is exactly how i feel..

i never wanted this...
all this while trying to there for someone..
but now i realise that those who protect others...
needs protection themselves...

feeling guilty, blaming myself...
blaming myself for being too weak but
there's nothing i could do...
like an empty boat floating on a huge storm...

she wanted ice, i bring her an iceberg...
she wanted water, i bring her the ocean...
she wanted something so simple but
im always ready to bring her a mountain..

i climbed the highest mountains...
i swam the stormy seas...
i've been through shit...
i felt that what i did have been a waste of time...

is this retribution..
is this my punishments..if it really is...
You just might as well kill me..
my courage and spirit is like a small coal..
that i kept swallowing..

it's failing me..
it weighs me...
i dont want to turn to the Other side of me..
but It's bringing me there

Its warping around me..
i never felt soo embarrased before..
i dont want to say no more..
cause it hurts me..
i'll just f*** off...
bye..