I planned to blog the day before yesterday but I decided not to because I wasn’t feeling well. I got a mild fever and flu with a major thrat infection 0_o… I had no choice but to skip fencing 3 whole days. I’m feeling a lot better now although my throat is killing me, which means… I CAN’T SING!!!! It wasn’t until recently I realized that singing has always my form of self-expression. I sing to forget. But singing does represent me and I don’t care how many people think that I have a bad tone, cannot sing, I am out of tune or whatsoever. Singing makes me happy. Anyway I am not going to miss tonight’s training or I can kiss my fencing form goodbye.

Life has been rather…interesting recently. From losing my stuff in my basement to forgetting what I am and want to be in life, to what they call this serious obsession which can really lead to something homicidal. So far everything has been REALLY weird. It’s funny how you can have the gut feeling that something’s a miss and you can really sense something that is portentous. Oh well I hope I can get over it soon or I will die in this bullshit they called life, without dying literally.

Ever since I got this notebook I seemed to blog in my room with curtains closed, door locked and lights switched off. I guess I really can find peace to blog here where nobody can stick their nose at the side of the screen or behind you asking, “OI!!! WATCHING PORN UH?!”. I saw the moonlight shimmering through the night sky while i was on my way home the other night. How the clouds blended into the moonlight and create this misty effect, and the bright twinkling stars seemed to stand out in the dark . The beauty of the night sky reminded me how ecstatic the nightlife has already been, but how depressing it always gets when the darkness turns to light. Nightlife has been a ‘one night only’ affair to me. It helps you to forget everything you have in your mind especially your problems, be it small or big, simple or complicated. But many failed to realize that sometimes you forget so much that you forget who you really and where you belong. That sense of guilt will always be a parasite in your heart and it will spread if you don’t do something about it. Oh well what I can say. I know this blog of mine will never change anything because it’s been written by a 17 year old jackass who refused to grow up and change, and trying to make it big in life at the same time. Hee hee… jackass…

How would you feel if you finally starting to feel that you belong to something or somewhere but when the time comes for you to really let go, that place is already gone? Why can’t I relive my past instead of gloating about it? Like I said, my secondary school hay days have always been great for me. But now I can feel this sense of loyalty and brotherhood beginning to fade away from everyone I knew. Everybody seemed to forget. So much for those oaths we took during those days. Everybody have started to form their own cliques. So why am I wasting time trying to expand my circle of friends instead of forming new ones and leave out the old ones? I guess I am such a jackass not to do so.

Shakespeare said that the world is a stage and people are merely players (something like that), which makes life the play itself. Is he trying t say that whatever we do and experienced has been carefully scrutinized by someone else? Or is he trying to instill the fact that there are too many two faced phonies who acted good and angelic in front of you just to benefit their self-interest?? (The people are merely the players)



Hmm….ponder over this…




Jackass fucking off…