I posting this in the middle of the night…..


I’m turning 17 in like…2 hours time?? Yea big fuck!!! I don’t give a damn about it anymore. I’ve been feeling empty inside, I’ve been surrounded by people but I still got this sense of alienation inside me. And the most fucked up part is that it always happen when I turn one year older. Is this a curse or something ? Turning 17 huh?? Being a year older make no diffrence to me. In fact, in case nobody knew, I never celebrated my birthday since I was 12. Everyone tend to forget about it or they don’t seem to care so I don’t see a reason why I should be concern about it. It’s amazing how your imaginations can run wild in your head while blogging in the dark. It isn't fun when you have people forcing you to be someone you’re not. I tend to lose sight in everything I believed in. I can’t seem to find the stuff inside my basement. I’m losing the heart to fence again. I’ve never felt so devastated besides last year, *ahem…and whatever I’ve been practicing isn’t working. All the movements I executed during sparring do not seem to come out right. I’m getting less motivated to fence. Like I said, I can’t find my fire anymore…I’m dead….

It’s funny how you can sense that your friends have already moved on in life and meeting other people along the way, but they seemed to forget their friends they have made in the yesteryears and the time they had spent together. You feel lost when you are still stuck, gloating about your past because for me the past has always been great and you never seem wanting to move on in life and act like you are still in those secondary school hey days… Basically I feel really useless to actually type out whatever I’m feeling right now because I know I can change nothing to benefit myself. I’m forcing myself to swallow this awful medicine which I believe that will make me stronger spiritually in my life, if that is, I have the time…

Thanks Jia Wei for the birthday gift, I really need a laugh in times like this and Sha said she’s getting me something, I wonder what it will be??? Anyway I appreciate it from the bottom of my heart. Not many give me presents during my birthday. I’m being such an emo jackass now and I can’t help it. I tried to force my tears out but I couldn’t… I’m completely desperate to get rid of this depression out of my system. I’m feeling lonely too…sigh…

I wonder if everyone including *ahem still remember my birthday?? I sure do remember her's… I bet she could hardly remember my name!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Well I don’t care because I’m living in this bullshit alone and I am going to die alone so those motherfucking two-faced phonies can just fuck off!!! I can never be too happy about myself because sometimes I feel like commiting suicide, though I never believe in taking your own life because that is what idiots do and jackasses avoid. I wish that I can wish away this feeling but my actions seemed futile no matter what I do. FUCK LAH!!!!!!!!


So that’s all I want to say…. ‘Happy’ 17th birthday babz…




Emoshits are only reserved for the jackasses and the social retards…..





But I’m not a social retard….
So jackass FUCKING OFF!!!!!