guess wad? i lost my wallet along with my IC and student admission card, training hasnt been that good for me, i feel like a fucking loser, my grandma has passed away, audition's on friday (same day as KL trip for Selangor Open). Plus i am fencing 4 competitions and a month and MST is about 3 to 4 weeks away and i havent started anything yet...




FUCK. I better do well for the audition and Selangor Open , as well as MST and other competitions or i will be labelled as the UNLUCKY... aaaaaaarrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!1

seriously these have not been working out for me till i find my stuff....

i decided to act cute and not to grow up for a while...

PHANTOM OF THE OPERA WAS SUPER DUPER UBER SICK!!!! I WUD PAY TO WATCH THEM AGAIN, EVEN IF IT'S FOR FREE!!!! SICK PROPS AND COSTUMES, NOT TO MENTION THE FIREWORKS THEY USED DURING THE PERFORMANCE ESPECIALLY BOTH PHANTOM'S AND CHRISTINE'S VOCALS THAT GAVE ME THOSE MUSICAL ORGASMS!!


5 OUT OF 5 FOR PHANTOM!!! BEST MUSICAL IVE EVER WATCHED!!!

I TOTALLY MISSED MY SPARC INTERVIEW!!!!
WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?!

Random facts about babz….

I’m afraid of the dark. 0_o...
I get really cocky most of the time...
my nose is fucking huge...
I’m not much of an emo actually… I get high a lot of times...
I am going to compete in the world champs on 2010...
I am getting fat…maybe…
I think I can be both an extrovert and an introvert...
I think a lot, sometimes I think so much my friends won’t understand what I am talking about,
I have been fencing for 5 years...
I express myself by singing...
and I like blogging in the dark...

I’m posting in the middle of lecture right now. I think now life has been more organized now. I am getting used to the life in poly now. Well I got to buck up now since MST’s coming up and I am going to KL for Selangor Open this June, if my passport haven’t expire. I really got to train harder now for Selangor or I’m going to burn my 250 bucks I forked out for the competition. Hopefully I found the stuff in my basement by that time because I still haven’t quite found it yet. Maybe if I straighten things up and just focus during training I would find it. Hmm…

Anyway I’ve been listening to Casualties and Exploited. Loud music and super strong lyrics.


youre now in detention
you couldnt pay attention
be a good man
kissing ass is the way

brainwashed, brainwashed
respect the tie and suit
brainwashed, brainwashed
respect the man in blue
brainwashed, brainwashed
they are better than you
brainwashed, brainwashed

they took your music books
you got a football to be cool
respect the teacher he knows best
be a robot like the rest

brainwashed, brainwashed
respect the tie and suit
brainwashed, brainwashed
respect the man in blue
brainwashed, brainwashed
they are better than you
brainwashed, brainwashed

work to get your pay
buying makes you a better man
produce a generation of slaves
the system never really cared

brainwashed, brainwashedr
espect the tie and suit
brainwashed, brainwashed
respect the man in blue
brainwashed, brainwashed
they are better than you
brainwashed, brainwashed

- brainwashed from the start
- brainwashing the youth
- they control your brain
- and keep you from the truth



I find it quite deluded though. It’s just obvious that the education system brainwashes every child’s mind. Kids are really vulnerable because they are immature and naive. So the people try to influence their heads with the concepts they think is right and let the kids learn THEIR way of life and hopefully accept it. Respect the teachers and bastards in blue and kissing ass IS their way of life so most of Singapore’s 3rd generation accept sucking up and giving in instead of fighting for their rights and beliefs, which made them think that this is right and well, everybody accepted kissing ass to superiors to get where they want to be so they think that this is right. ‘Keeping the youths from the truth…’ tell me, what is the truth? What you think is true for you may be a lie to others. Therefore the government will make the youths accept what they think is right and is the truth because the youths are obviously too blinded by MTV and porn, being really apathetic to politics and whatever has been going on with the world. But there will only be a handful who wouldn’t accept their way of life. Kissing ass and be a pussy for other people, what the fuck?!?! oh well..

I planned to blog the day before yesterday but I decided not to because I wasn’t feeling well. I got a mild fever and flu with a major thrat infection 0_o… I had no choice but to skip fencing 3 whole days. I’m feeling a lot better now although my throat is killing me, which means… I CAN’T SING!!!! It wasn’t until recently I realized that singing has always my form of self-expression. I sing to forget. But singing does represent me and I don’t care how many people think that I have a bad tone, cannot sing, I am out of tune or whatsoever. Singing makes me happy. Anyway I am not going to miss tonight’s training or I can kiss my fencing form goodbye.

Life has been rather…interesting recently. From losing my stuff in my basement to forgetting what I am and want to be in life, to what they call this serious obsession which can really lead to something homicidal. So far everything has been REALLY weird. It’s funny how you can have the gut feeling that something’s a miss and you can really sense something that is portentous. Oh well I hope I can get over it soon or I will die in this bullshit they called life, without dying literally.

Ever since I got this notebook I seemed to blog in my room with curtains closed, door locked and lights switched off. I guess I really can find peace to blog here where nobody can stick their nose at the side of the screen or behind you asking, “OI!!! WATCHING PORN UH?!”. I saw the moonlight shimmering through the night sky while i was on my way home the other night. How the clouds blended into the moonlight and create this misty effect, and the bright twinkling stars seemed to stand out in the dark . The beauty of the night sky reminded me how ecstatic the nightlife has already been, but how depressing it always gets when the darkness turns to light. Nightlife has been a ‘one night only’ affair to me. It helps you to forget everything you have in your mind especially your problems, be it small or big, simple or complicated. But many failed to realize that sometimes you forget so much that you forget who you really and where you belong. That sense of guilt will always be a parasite in your heart and it will spread if you don’t do something about it. Oh well what I can say. I know this blog of mine will never change anything because it’s been written by a 17 year old jackass who refused to grow up and change, and trying to make it big in life at the same time. Hee hee… jackass…

How would you feel if you finally starting to feel that you belong to something or somewhere but when the time comes for you to really let go, that place is already gone? Why can’t I relive my past instead of gloating about it? Like I said, my secondary school hay days have always been great for me. But now I can feel this sense of loyalty and brotherhood beginning to fade away from everyone I knew. Everybody seemed to forget. So much for those oaths we took during those days. Everybody have started to form their own cliques. So why am I wasting time trying to expand my circle of friends instead of forming new ones and leave out the old ones? I guess I am such a jackass not to do so.

Shakespeare said that the world is a stage and people are merely players (something like that), which makes life the play itself. Is he trying t say that whatever we do and experienced has been carefully scrutinized by someone else? Or is he trying to instill the fact that there are too many two faced phonies who acted good and angelic in front of you just to benefit their self-interest?? (The people are merely the players)



Hmm….ponder over this…




Jackass fucking off…

I posting this in the middle of the night…..


I’m turning 17 in like…2 hours time?? Yea big fuck!!! I don’t give a damn about it anymore. I’ve been feeling empty inside, I’ve been surrounded by people but I still got this sense of alienation inside me. And the most fucked up part is that it always happen when I turn one year older. Is this a curse or something ? Turning 17 huh?? Being a year older make no diffrence to me. In fact, in case nobody knew, I never celebrated my birthday since I was 12. Everyone tend to forget about it or they don’t seem to care so I don’t see a reason why I should be concern about it. It’s amazing how your imaginations can run wild in your head while blogging in the dark. It isn't fun when you have people forcing you to be someone you’re not. I tend to lose sight in everything I believed in. I can’t seem to find the stuff inside my basement. I’m losing the heart to fence again. I’ve never felt so devastated besides last year, *ahem…and whatever I’ve been practicing isn’t working. All the movements I executed during sparring do not seem to come out right. I’m getting less motivated to fence. Like I said, I can’t find my fire anymore…I’m dead….

It’s funny how you can sense that your friends have already moved on in life and meeting other people along the way, but they seemed to forget their friends they have made in the yesteryears and the time they had spent together. You feel lost when you are still stuck, gloating about your past because for me the past has always been great and you never seem wanting to move on in life and act like you are still in those secondary school hey days… Basically I feel really useless to actually type out whatever I’m feeling right now because I know I can change nothing to benefit myself. I’m forcing myself to swallow this awful medicine which I believe that will make me stronger spiritually in my life, if that is, I have the time…

Thanks Jia Wei for the birthday gift, I really need a laugh in times like this and Sha said she’s getting me something, I wonder what it will be??? Anyway I appreciate it from the bottom of my heart. Not many give me presents during my birthday. I’m being such an emo jackass now and I can’t help it. I tried to force my tears out but I couldn’t… I’m completely desperate to get rid of this depression out of my system. I’m feeling lonely too…sigh…

I wonder if everyone including *ahem still remember my birthday?? I sure do remember her's… I bet she could hardly remember my name!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Well I don’t care because I’m living in this bullshit alone and I am going to die alone so those motherfucking two-faced phonies can just fuck off!!! I can never be too happy about myself because sometimes I feel like commiting suicide, though I never believe in taking your own life because that is what idiots do and jackasses avoid. I wish that I can wish away this feeling but my actions seemed futile no matter what I do. FUCK LAH!!!!!!!!


So that’s all I want to say…. ‘Happy’ 17th birthday babz…




Emoshits are only reserved for the jackasses and the social retards…..





But I’m not a social retard….
So jackass FUCKING OFF!!!!!