no promises...

it's been weeks since we talked. though we hide our faces from each other, the image of your beautiful face is still fresh in my confused and disillusioned mind. filled with doubt, guilt and confusion, i feel as if i am tearing myself apart. i've seen the moon but not you, i've seen the sunsets and all the sunrises, but they are nothing compared to your beautiful face. i miss you like the sun misses the flower, like the sun misses the flower in the cold hard and emotionless depth of winter. like the rose enduring the cold of the winter, i have become too. i become cold and hard like i have been like this before. i became harsh and cold due to my ego and hunger for your love. like i said by staring into your eyes, and you staring back at mine, Time just freezes. my mind become a vacuum. it makes me feel very haapy, at the same time so sad. it makes me feel very strong yet very sad and doubtful and it makes me feel very bold and the same time so cowardly. basically i do not know how i exactly feel, except the kind of man i want to be. it's like i have reached the unreachable and never looking back. any way it feels good.

i feel part of me have become incomplete. it has been weeks since we hide our eyes from each other. i dont know why but i dont want to think to much because i never want to repeat the same mistakes because only fools make the same mistakes. i am no fool. it is ironic because i am like one now. i dont know whether i am too late or i am just being such a fool. maybe i am just plain stupid. it is as if i am trying to have the universe in my own hands. maybe i really need to wait for ten years and see if fate is being fair to me.

i don't want to hide my face anymore. i don't want to run away anymore. act happy and putting on masks. just fuck it i don't care i dont wanna do this anymore. i want to live my life like how i used to and it has been bugging me. i'm here without you. i am trapped in my whole hectic life which i wish it would be made much simpler. i love you but i just cant show and i guess i never will. i feel so lonely and quiet though i am surrounded with a lot of people. i sat still staring blankly at the stars in the night. at the same time i reminisced all the time we had during the march holidays and i laughed at myself for the stupidest things we used to do. melancholy soon filled the air, knowing that feelings change and everything changes. can't accept the fact that those things we did have become some mere memories. i dont want us to be beligerent anymore. i dont want us to jeopardise our friendship that we had since we just met...but there is no promises that these can be fulfilled...................................